Joseph M Kurtenbach

Earlier today I participated in a small way with what we here in the U.S. refer to as Black Friday, a typically huge and frenetic shopping day (the day after our annual Thanksgiving holiday), the day when many retailers first start to turn a profit (or go into the black) for the year.

I typically avoid shopping on this day, as I don’t like contributing to or dealing with the crowds that can amass in stores and parking lots.  Today, however, I found a couple of good advertised deals that I could sink my newly crowned (see below) teeth into, figuratively speaking.

While many, many folks may spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars for holiday gift-giving on this one day alone, I confess my expenditures were significantly more modest, and undeniably more selfish.  While on my way home from my jaunt this morning, I even thought about taking a picture of what I bought and posting it here as my own mildly humorous take on the big day.  Well, the photo, I’m sorry to say, never happened, but here’s what I bought (all at substantial discounts, of course):

• A bag of dog food
• A small bag of rawhide chew treats (free with the dog food purchase)
• A tool bag — for myself, to help me organize
• A 2-pack of aerosol spray foam insulation
• 3 plastic shoe storage boxes, again for organizing

All in all, a good trip for me.  I came home, happily stocked and arranged my new tool bag, and took a nap.

The day became a little bit blacker (mood-wise) for me this afternoon, though.  I got two letters in the postal mail.  One was an unexpectedly large bill from my dentist.  You see, I recently got some new crowns (finally), that I had needed for a long, long time.  I was not surprised to see a bill in the mail, as I had suspected that my dental insurance would not pay as much as my dentist’s office had estimated they would.  What I had not expected was that my dental insurance would pay exactly nothing for the work.

Now, I’m not new to this insurance company tactic.  Unfortunately.  And I can’t say that my past experience makes me now view this type of response from a huge mega-company with any greater degree of equanimity than I used to.  I was a bit ticked off.  Even more so after huffily looking up my claims and benefit information online and in the printed material to make sure I was in the right.  Turns out, as near as I can figure, that yes, they should have paid some.  But due to other limitations notwithstanding the maximum annual benefit amount, which I was cognizant of, they also have a coverage limit of one — count them — one — crown per year.  Okay, yes, I should have done more research if I’d expected a better outcome.  Doesn’t make me hate my insurance company any less right now, though.

As I said, they still should pay some.  I looked up the phone number and called them, then chatted for a while with their automated system.  Once I reached the limits of its usefulness, however, I lost patience and finally said, “Representative.”

“Okay,” the perky female voice said.  ”Please wait while I connect you with a customer service specialist.”  After a mercifully short wait, another voice came on.  I had double-checked the customer service hours before calling.  Good, I had seen, they’re open 7 days a week for extended hours during this time of year.  Uh, except, evidently, on Black Friday.  The voice said the office is closed for the holiday.  It hung up on me.

Have you ever noticed these types of situations seem to always come up on holiday weekends and late Friday afternoons, so that the pain and upset must be drawn out for days until you can even begin to work out a resolution?

So anyway, as I mentioned before, I got 2 letters in the mail today.  One was the huge bill from my dentist, essentially indicating to me that my insurance company had grinned and given me the finger by proxy.

I looked at the second letter.  It was from my insurance company.  Great, I thought, what now?

It stated that I may be due for a colorectal cancer screening.  I should contact my doctor to discuss my options, it said — one of which may be getting a colonoscopy.

Nice, I thought.

So on the same day, from two different sources, not only did my insurance company flip me the bird and tell me they’ve denied a claim that they actually should be partly responsible for, but they also suggested that I should get something shoved up my @$$.