Foreword: This is a work of fiction. It is a brief glimpse into a dystopian future that I, for one, hope to never see — but that, disturbingly, often seems all too near . . .
They met in a McGrocery™ store. Mike was twenty-five; a McSurance™ salesman. Michaela was twenty-two; barely out of McCollege™. Their eyes met over a freezer display of microwaveable Value Meal Select dinners, and they both felt it. Some call it instant attraction, or chemistry. Mike and Michaela like to describe the feeling as a sudden Mcsizzle (as they later admitted to each other). Yes, like fries in a basket, taking the Mcplunge.
After their first date, Mike wondered if Michaela was merely playing him and would never answer his calls. She seemed too good to be true.
Michaela, for her part, wanted to have his McChildren™.
The rest, as they say, is McHistory™.
After several months of dating, Michaela heard those magical and long-awaited words when Mike proposed to her during McDinner™, after they’d just gone to see their favorite musical, McCats. Mike cleared his throat and slid off the seat of his chair onto one knee. He presented Michaela with a small McJewelry™ box. ”Sweetheart . . . will you McMarry™ me?”
Tears of joy leapt to Michaela’s eyes. She took the box and opened it. The ring had a heart-shaped setting . . . two golden arches connected on the bottom with a “V,” all studded with tiny (and tasteful) glittering diamonds. It was the most beautiful ring she’d ever seen.
“Oh, Mike.” She barely got the words out, squeaking like a little pink baby mouse. ”Yes. Yes.”
The happy couple stood and embraced each other tightly.
Mike whispered in her ear. ”I McLove™ you.”
“I McLove™ you, too.”
Backward: Any use of actual McDonald’s Corporation registered trademarks (or those of any other individual or entity) in the preceding story is accidental and unintentional. Also, for the record, I bear no malice toward McDonald’s Corp., though a look at the list of their trademarks on their website (near the bottom of the page) is educational. My only gripe with McDonald’s restaurants is that their french fries are not gluten-free.